KALEWEN GOES 2 MIDDLE EARTH SQUEE!
by Kielle
Summary: HI! this is my story, its not a Mary Sue, its about an ordinary girl....OR IS SHE??? read it & find out!!!!1
1. Chapter One: Adventure

KALEWEN GOES 2 MIDDLE-EARTH (SQUEE!) By Kalewen Moonshadow Greenleaf  
  
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HI! It's me & this is my awesome story, its not a Mary-Sue, whatever, OK! Also there is no slash, Im not prejudice just this one is not a slash story. OMG i love Legolas he is so KAWAII!!!! My friend also makes awesome lords of the ring storys i *LURVE* how she writes about Aragorn! Sooo sexy! Anyways this is about an ordinary girl....OR IS SHE??? read it & find out!!!!1  
  
This is my first fic so please be kind!!! PLZ R+R cuz if i dont get reviews i wont continue the story! i wrote it & uploaded it at 4 AM & i was high & i hadn't slept in a week. LOL! OMG i love this story! ORLI RULZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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KALEWEN GOES 2 MIDDLE-EARTH (SQUEE!) By Kalewen Moonshadow Greenleaf  
  
Chapter One: Adventure  
  
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Kalewen RainSpirit O'Henry was the most beautiful girl in school. She had hair down passed her waist that was a different gorgeous color every day and so were her eyes. A different color every day. Not down passed her waist. Cuz that would be silly, and this is soooo not a silly story and SHE IS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ME EVEN THOUGH SHE GOES TO MY HIGH SCHOOL AND I NAMED HER BEST FRIENDS AFTER MINE BUT SHES NOT ME I JUST USE HER NAME SOMETIMES SO DONT FLAME ME OK!?!?!?1  
  
Anyway. Her clothes were perfect too, like so l33t omg, but that'll be the next chapter because i need to think of some really kewl outfits. SEND ME SOME IDEAS LOL!!! ANY-WAY. One day she found out that her amulet (it's like a jeweled locket on a mithril necklace with all these mystical runes on it and it glows when evil is nearby) that her mother had given her before she was killed in a tragic drive-by gang shooting...  
  
Um, i mean her mom was killed in a tragic drive-by gang shooting. Not Kalawen, because that wouldn't make any sense unless she was a ghost, and anyway she can dodge the bullets like that sex-ay guy in The Matrix, so she felt sooo guilty because she hadn't been there to save her mother (OMG how sad!!!) and sometimes very late at night she would cut herself (A/N: NO I DONT DO F***ED UP S**T LIKE THAT LOLOL)...  
  
...uh, where was i? Oh yeah.............! Kalewin used this amulet and it totally sent her to Middle-Earth. Like in that movie?! With the HAWT elves?!?! And she found out that she was half elf and half ranger and half unicorn, which made sense -- everyone was mean to her at school because they were jealous of her beauty and her special powers -- did i mention she could talk to animals? Well, she could.  
  
ANY-WAYYY. She was immediately attacked by orcs (!!!!!!) and Legolas (333) rescued her (SQUEEE!!!) and Elrond (who was her long-lost father) nursed her back to health. And even though she was supposed to be practicing with the sword he gave her (it's called MoonCrystal and she can pull it out of nowhere and no one else can use it) she sneaked into the Council.  
  
Nobody wanted Kelawyn to go with them, especially Boramir (A/N: don't u h8 him?! i think i might have him try 2 rape her later, what do u think?!? fb me11) because she was a GIRL. But she showed them!!1 She followed them and rescued them from, um, some more orcs with her magic powers or her sword or something. Actually both. At the same time. And did i mention she had wings too? It's not important right now but i thought you should know that. They would have been really important later in the story, like in MORDOR, except one week later that horrible dwarf chopped her into little pieces and dumped them down a chasm in Moira.  
  
Meanie.  
  
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TEH END...OR IS IT??!?!  
  
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PS: ~GASP~!!!!!!!! NOOOO is she DEAD?! i'll write more if u send me FEEEEEEDBACK!  
  
PPS: if u like this i wrote another story were she was a mutant & joined the xmen, so u gotta go 2 my profile & R&R it PLLLEEEEASSSSEEEE OR I WONT WRITE MORE! i mean it! No flames rofl.  
  
PPPS: SAM+FRODO AR SO NOT GAY SO SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
PPPPS: DONT FORGET TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER ITS VERY IMPORTANT OK BYE NOW 


	2. Chapter Two: Confession

KALEWEN GOES 2 MIDDLE-EARTH (SQUEE!) By Kalewen Moonshadow Greenleaf  
  
Chapter Two: Confession  
  
Oh ye gods this is so embarrassing. I'm wondering how many people don't get THIS far and realize that it's a PARODY... Hi. The author here. If you took this seriously, you're looney. Thanks to http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/urukhai/ficguide.html for most of the phrasing in the summary and headers. Yes, I stole it directly. It was my InSpIrAtIoN like omg & stuff. *wink*  
  
By the way, if you don't believe there are actually writers like this on FF.net, make sure you hit the Reviews section (http://www.fanfiction.net/reviews.php?storyid=1004203). Read "Morgan's" snitty little anonymous review. It's a gem. Because (as far as I can tell) IT'S REAL. *guffaw*  
  
Oh, and "Heather" honey? It's a parody. "Begginings of a pretty good standard Legomance" indeed...  
  
-- Kielle (kielle@subreality.com)  
  
PS: If this made you laugh, don't miss the original round of comments at http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=_redpanda_&itemid=33488 -- they're just as funny!  
  
PPS: EOMRE+ARAGON 4EVR!!!  
  
PPPS: Gah, somebody hit me, I'm stuck. 


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